^{Psalm 135: 15-17:}

¹⁵ The idols of the nations are silver and gold,
made by the hands of men.

¹⁶ They have mouths, but cannot speak,
eyes, but they cannot see;

¹⁷ they have ears, but cannot hear,
nor is there breath in their mouths.

— —   —  - – -  - – —  -

Looking at those shiny golden statues that can’t see, can’t hear, and can’t talk, I see flowers placed in front of them, devotees giving their offerings to them and henceforth, there are also smoke and incense… Can’t help but feel sadness in my heart.  A kind of spiritual sadness. A kind of sadness that is indescribable.

There are many different kinds of those statues, in different sizes, shapes and colours, and pricings too. But why, why why why why.

My heart wants to cry out to them that there is a true God in Heaven who gives freely His grace and mercy, who doesn’t need flowers, because He created them. Who doesn’t need to be created, because He is the Creator. Who doesn’t want your incense, but your heart. Who doesn’t want your money, but your life. Who can truly give you peace and joy. Who can forgive your sins. Who can truly protect you.

Why can’t you see the true God? Why do u reject and deny Him? He who doesn’t dwell in buildings but is every where?

Why is the faith in statues for answered prayers stronger than what is real? Why do you think that I’m not respecting your faith, when I’m trying to share with you what is the truth?

For I came from where you are. I know and can memorise those complicated Buddhist prayers in words that I vaguely know the meaning, I started chanting those at the age of 3 at three times a day including before bedtime. I was made to, but it became a habit at that time. Even now when I hear those Buddhist chants, the memory is triggered and the whole chant will just play in my head even when I walk away. I was there. I was like you.

That is why I don’t openly share it with you with words. But with my life. I’m sharing it to you by the things I do for you. I hope you will know this true God one day.

For the sadness remains until you know Him.

One thing I do when I feel that there are a lot of jumbled thoughts in my head, is to write out my thoughts. To get those jumbles out and to see them in sorted clarity.

If there is one question that I’m afraid to answer, it would be: How have I changed?

Change is always a constant thing in this universe that we live in. Nothing is as constant as change in this temporary abode.

If one changes for the better, please then define what is ”better”. If one changes for the worse, please then define  what is “worse”.  Behind every change, there is always a reason. A reason that would shed enough impact for the change. To bring about a certain change, something need to be kicked in. Something need to have that pull, that tug. Something stronger, something greater. Some thing stronger than the strength to remain the same. It can be a lot of things, with a lot of stronger impacts. That have created the change. For example, besides a wrecking earthquake, the tsunami comes, and a volcano eruption, plus hailstorm, plus war world two. All these killing, destructive factors all come together, at the same time. And thus, the island is never the same again.

Can one blame oneself to be weak to allow the change to happen? Who is to blame? Blame the people who kicked the thing in? But isn’t these part of God’s plan for our lives, His sovereignty allowed it to happen? And all things are supposed to work for good, aren’t they?

Though one can’t understand everything, one can’t know every reason, for what has happened, can I still claim the promise that all things work together for good? For He knows everything, He knows every reason. He knows what has happened, and what will happen in the future.

If I ask myself honestly, have I changed for the better? How can I know if it is really better? or worse?

By what am I measuring it? By the world’s standards? Or by God’s standards. How about my motives? I’ve told God many times about my motives. I just keep praying about it. His will cannot be challenged. Insurmountable will of God that reigns. Please bring peace O Lord. For U know my motives.

Of course I want to change for the better. Who doesn’t?

For the old me has died. And so has the old hopes.

And the new me is living because of a new purpose. Which I choose not to reveal here. For the remaining of my life, let it be used for this purpose. O Lord.

Make me like one of your hired man…

There is none like  You.

Yes, none. Not even the Archbishop, nor any Pope. None. No one can match up to You. So there shouldn’t be any boasting of who one is, or the status, or the good deeds, or the accomplishments, for all these can never match up to You.

For ALL have sinned.

How small are my fears, my worries, my troubles and frustrations when brought before You, You who created the Universe.

After listening to the sermon (the post below), I have some thoughts. I missed my own church for the past few weeks as I attended another church meanwhile (temporary). I do miss my Church a lot.

The emphasis on spending time wisely by pursuing things of value, and the importance of prayer according to God’s will and the study of His words stuck on me. What are the things of value? What is value? Thought-provoking huh. Eternal value is of concern… Not value of the temporal as the value will diminish with time…

May God help me to be more prayerful and to understand His will.

It was said in the sermon that things done against His will, will definitely bring regrets one day.

I should be more in tune with the Shepherd’s voice, rather than the world’s cacophony. Sometimes I  lower down the Shepherd’s voice volume unknowingly as it’s directions may be not seem pleasing to me at times.. But I should change that too.

Am I living for my own whims or His will? Am I running away from the truth, or am I afraid of knowing the truth?

May He guide me along green pastures. For He is able to although I am weak. I just need to obey. But obey is such a heavy word. Not easy to carry at all.

I should not depend too much on His mercy all the while, but rather, I should learn to live a life of obedience, which is at times extremely hard. So I need more prayer and bible reading anyways. Because His ways are the best. That’s why I need to obey.

The road back to the narrow path is filled with thorns and thistles, blood and tears, sweat and pain. Isn’t it? The faster the road back to the narrow path, the lesser regrets there will be. Isn’t it? Or would there be any regrets?

http://www.edenbp.org/sermon/moshidaogao/moshidaogao.mp3

This sermon is about how we should live our lives, being in the era of the last days..

Insightful.

But only in Chinese. Translation available upon request.

If God allows…. and if I’m still alive, and able to…

Hope to aim for a Nissan March by the end of next year

Sweet.

A little hungry I guess. hehe.

These are edible! I won’t spare any of them…even though they are really cute..

Had guava for dinner. Not much of an appetite then.

Quite happy that with a more stable routine and working hours, I have time in the morning for q.t. especially when sitting on the double decker bus.

Bliss.

Think that I should take some things easy, while putting more weightage on other more important things.

Really feel like visiting the cemetery some day. Kept thinking about it these days. Think that kind of place really helps one to understand one own self better.

Kinda dreamed of being called back to my old workplace in SGH to work for a night. I was walking through the Chinatown area, saw some interesting things, and thought of going to a coffee shop to eat something first, before heading to work. Kind of happy to go back there to help them, to see the rest of the colleagues like Winnie, Joanna, Angelia, Amanda, Fiona, Jaspreet, aidah, zainab….etc.

Then just this song keep playing in my mind after I woke up from the dream. I kept searching for the song, thought it’s sung by Jay Chou, then realised no it’s not.

How time flies. Life is gone quickly.. Just hope that I’ll be able to add colours into my present life, and when I look back, I’ll still be able to smile and not regret..

Having orientation for a few days at the new work place this week. @@

HAHA